Why Change our Habits?

In the last two posts, I started to speak about today's challenges and then moved on to speak about perspective and how it dictates our behaviours. Our behaviour and our character is basically a representation of our habits. Would you agree?

If so, then we can also agree that habits have a very powerful influence in our lives, since they are usually patterns of behaviour that are consistent, yet in most cases, unconscious. These habits can either contribute to our success or our failure - to our effectiveness, or our ineffectiveness.

Based on this principle, Steven Covey discusses the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". However, before we delve into the habits, let us first look at Covey's definition of habits. He defines them as "the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire" (P.47). In other words, knowledge is the 'what' and the 'why'. Skill is the 'how', and desire is the 'want'. In order to change a habit, all three have to work together. For example, if someone has the bad habit of procrastinating, they may know that they shouldn't leave things until the last moment, and they may know how to do so by finishing their tasks in a timely manner, yet they may not want to do so for reasons that they may or may not be aware of. Or another person may know that they have this problem and may have the desire to change it, yet they do not know how to.

A personal development coach can help such people identify what reasons are holding them back from changing a bad habit, set a plan with goals and milestones, provide them with the necessary resources and tools, and follow up with motivation and encouragement until that person has achieved their goal.

As for the seven habits that Covey discusses, the first three will take you from dependence to independence (they are being proactive, beginning with the end in mind, and putting first things first), while habits four, five and six (which are thinking win/win, seeking first to understand, then be understood, and synergizing) will move you to interdependence. What's the difference between the three levels and why do they matter? Covey sums it up very nicely: "Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success" (P.49). Furthermore, he adds that "as an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings" (P. 51).

It's important to note though that we don't have to master the first three habits in order to move on to the rest. It is all a work in progress.

As for how these habits will contribute to our effectiveness, Covey first defines effectiveness as the "P/PC balance" where P stands for production and PC stands for production capability. For example, the product can be a successful career, but the production capability is you. If you give your all to work, but neglect your health, your family, and your spiritual needs, eventually you won't be able to achieve your product and will have worn out your production capability - in other words, you'll have worn out yourself. At the same time, if there's too much focus on production capability - such as self-indulgence and wasting time, and no focus at all on production, then once again this isn't considered effectiveness. Once again a personal development coach can help one find balance in the different aspects of their lives in order to achieve effectiveness and fulfillment.

Changing one's habits does not come easily - as Marilyn Ferguson says "No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal". We must open that gate ourselves - it will take courage, strength, and patience but the result is a more fulfilling life. Is it not worth it?