Paradigms: How do you Look at the World?

In my last post, I presented eight challenges we confront today, which Stephen Covey covers in his book: "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". The challenges were fear and insecurity, the "I want it now" mentality, blame and "victimism", hopelessness, lack of life balance, the "What's in it for me?" frame of mind, the hunger to be understood, and conflict and differences.

I promised that in this upcoming article, I would start to share with you some ideas and solutions about how to deal with those challenges. Challenges that arise even if you seem to be successful in your career, but do not really feel you are making a difference that people would notice if you were gone. Challenges that arise even if you're trying your best to have a harmonious family life, yet you don't feel fulfilled in your relationships.

Sometimes we will try hard to confront these challenges and we will think we've chosen the right course of action, so we will continue on that path. Yet, sometimes, what we really need to do is take a step back and observe our perspective. Our perspective is the way in which we see the world, and that perspective greatly dictates our behaviours. Therefore, in most cases, what needs to happen is for us to examine whether we can change our perspective on a challenge, and to change that perspective, we have to change ourselves first. This is quite befitting of a verse in the Qur'an (Muslims' Holy book) that states: "God does not change the status of a people unless they change what is in themselves" (13:11).

When we speak about changing ourselves, what we speak of us changing our character. It has been reported that many of the literature before World War I described success in terms of "character ethics" such as modesty, courage, integrity, honesty, and humility. Interestingly enough, these are the moral characteristics that are rooted in faith. For example, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says: "I was sent in order to perfect moral character".

However, after World War I, there was a shift in the outlook on success such that it became "personality ethics" with an emphasis on our public image and social acceptance. The result was that the focus shifted from the internal to the external realm and instead of living our life according to a set of values and moral characters, we may have slipped into satisfying a public image that allows us to get ahead in society and "succeed".

Obviously, this has come at the expense of our internal happiness and our relationships. So, if we were to take a step back and instead of trying to 'fix' the situation or the individual, whether they are our boss at work, our spouse, or our children, we examine ourselves and our perceptions, slowly but surely, there can be powerful and rewarding shifts in our lives. When we start to find worth in our values and couple those values with actions, the emphasis on our socially accepted public image starts to dissipate, and we start to feel internal satisfaction. For example, when we find value in honesty, hard work, and dedication in our jobs and relationships, the promotion at work or the image of the 'perfect' spouse or 'perfect' child will not hold paramount importance to us, as we have already found satisfaction in our commitment to our values.

Therefore, the message is not to stop seeking excellence in our careers and relationships; however, when our happiness comes from within based on our internal convictions, then we do not solely base our happiness on external factors that are dictated by society.

So I would say next time, before we look at the world, let us look within first.