I recently picked up "The Leadership Challenge" for Kouzes and Posner and was already inspired a couple of pages into the book. The authors mentioned that "leadership is not the private reserve of a few charismatic men and women. It is a process ordinary people use when they are bringing forth the best from themselves and others. When the leaders in everyone is liberated extraordinary things happen".
I can't believe how powerful this statement is. The authors continue to describe that leadership is everyone's business and not limited to the work of CEO's and famous people. Leadership can happen anywhere, anytime. All it takes is courage, commitment, and consistency. Courage that stems from a realization that change will bring about more positive results. Commitment inspired by a passion to do what you believe is truly going to help people, organizations, and the world at large. Consistency to ensure that you don't give up when things become difficult.
Leadership is not only about affecting our today and now - it is about creating a legacy that will last long after we are gone. A legacy that enables others to continue to grow and prosper.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Courage to Change
Not many of us crave change. In fact, many of us will try to avoid it and some will even resist it. This is given that change is one of the only constants we have in life. Change affects every aspect of our lives: our relationships, our roles and careers, and our health, amongst other aspects.
We are born as tiny helpless infants and then we grow into active children and youth, then ambitious adults, and finally we grow old and become frail and weak yet again. This is just one example of the constant state of change in our lives. We change not only physically, but emotionally. One day we are happy, and the next may bring sadness, but then again, we know that trials and tribulations make us stronger and give us such important life lessons.
If change is a constant in our life, then I wonder why we always try to avoid it and resist it? Why don’t we instead embrace it and use it to improve our lives? Sometimes, it is when we step out of our comfort zone, or in some cases, are pushed out of our comfort zone, that we really grow. Does a caterpillar not have to go through a metamorphosis in order to become a butterfly and flutter across the sky
after being confined only to treading on the earth?
So my invitation to you would be to look into your life and see which situation may be making you uncomfortable, or at least challenging you and making you feel not as competent as you usually would like to be. Maybe it’s a new job you have taken up, a new role that you have been placed in, maybe it’s a new city you have moved to, or maybe it’s a new good habit that you’re trying to adopt. Perhaps you will find that in that struggle, you are growing, you are learning, and you are reaching new horizons that you would have otherwise never reached.
Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire” (Seven habits of highly successful people, p. 47). In other words, knowledge is the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. Skill is the ‘how’, and desire is the ‘want’. In order to change a habit, all three have to work together. For example, if someone has the bad habit of procrastinating, they may know that they shouldn’t leave things until the last moment, and they may know how to do so by finishing their tasks in a timely manner, yet they may not want to do so for reasons that they may or may not be aware of. In some cases, it takes some courage to dig deep and find the real reasons for a bad habit, and yet again, it takes courage to overcome those reasons and drop the habit.
Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire” (Seven habits of highly successful people, p. 47). In other words, knowledge is the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. Skill is the ‘how’, and desire is the ‘want’. In order to change a habit, all three have to work together. For example, if someone has the bad habit of procrastinating, they may know that they shouldn’t leave things until the last moment, and they may know how to do so by finishing their tasks in a timely manner, yet they may not want to do so for reasons that they may or may not be aware of. In some cases, it takes some courage to dig deep and find the real reasons for a bad habit, and yet again, it takes courage to overcome those reasons and drop the habit.
They may be procrastinating because they have too much confidence in their abilities to accomplish a task and therefore underestimate the amount of time they need. Or on the other hand, they have too little confidence in their abilities and do not want to tackle the task until they really have to and are under pressure to do it. Or quite simply, the underlying reason could be laziness. In all cases, it takes courage to really identify one’s weakness and then again courage to decide that this habit will change. This is a simple example on an individual scale.
On the other end of the spectrum is having enough courage to take a stance that could affect your family, your school, your city, and even the world. In many cases, in order to improve or excel, we may find ourselves challenging the status quo and being met with resistance, doubts, and discouragement. Even those closest to us may fail to understand or support us. However; we know that any famous and prominent figure that we know today had their share of challenges. Gandhi was thrown out of the first class compartment on a train despite having a ticket, Rosa Parks was asked to sit at the back of the bus because of her colour, the Prophets who came with divine revelations were in many cases oppressed and some were even killed. Yet Gandhi’s non-violent and peaceful methods were instrumental for India’s independence, Rosa Parks was one of the pioneers of the liberation of African-Americans from racism and segregation, and the prophets came with messages that called to the highest levels of morality, justice and peace through belief in God.
These figures may have never imagined all of the obstacles and challenges they would encounter, yet they went against all the odds, because they knew what they had to do was important. What they may have not known once again is that their struggle changed the beliefs and actions of entire people, entire countries and ultimately had an influence on the entire world.
My invitation once again would be to examine your life and decide what changes can you make that will make you happier, more successful and more productive? What changes will allow you to fulfill your goals and aspirations?
Once you have identified those changes, ask God to help you and hold what is best for you, and simply, make it happen. You are the only one who can fulfill your dreams and experience the joy that comes from accomplishing your goals.
We are born as tiny helpless infants and then we grow into active children and youth, then ambitious adults, and finally we grow old and become frail and weak yet again. This is just one example of the constant state of change in our lives. We change not only physically, but emotionally. One day we are happy, and the next may bring sadness, but then again, we know that trials and tribulations make us stronger and give us such important life lessons.
If change is a constant in our life, then I wonder why we always try to avoid it and resist it? Why don’t we instead embrace it and use it to improve our lives? Sometimes, it is when we step out of our comfort zone, or in some cases, are pushed out of our comfort zone, that we really grow. Does a caterpillar not have to go through a metamorphosis in order to become a butterfly and flutter across the sky
after being confined only to treading on the earth?
So my invitation to you would be to look into your life and see which situation may be making you uncomfortable, or at least challenging you and making you feel not as competent as you usually would like to be. Maybe it’s a new job you have taken up, a new role that you have been placed in, maybe it’s a new city you have moved to, or maybe it’s a new good habit that you’re trying to adopt. Perhaps you will find that in that struggle, you are growing, you are learning, and you are reaching new horizons that you would have otherwise never reached.
Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire” (Seven habits of highly successful people, p. 47). In other words, knowledge is the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. Skill is the ‘how’, and desire is the ‘want’. In order to change a habit, all three have to work together. For example, if someone has the bad habit of procrastinating, they may know that they shouldn’t leave things until the last moment, and they may know how to do so by finishing their tasks in a timely manner, yet they may not want to do so for reasons that they may or may not be aware of. In some cases, it takes some courage to dig deep and find the real reasons for a bad habit, and yet again, it takes courage to overcome those reasons and drop the habit.
Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire” (Seven habits of highly successful people, p. 47). In other words, knowledge is the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. Skill is the ‘how’, and desire is the ‘want’. In order to change a habit, all three have to work together. For example, if someone has the bad habit of procrastinating, they may know that they shouldn’t leave things until the last moment, and they may know how to do so by finishing their tasks in a timely manner, yet they may not want to do so for reasons that they may or may not be aware of. In some cases, it takes some courage to dig deep and find the real reasons for a bad habit, and yet again, it takes courage to overcome those reasons and drop the habit.
They may be procrastinating because they have too much confidence in their abilities to accomplish a task and therefore underestimate the amount of time they need. Or on the other hand, they have too little confidence in their abilities and do not want to tackle the task until they really have to and are under pressure to do it. Or quite simply, the underlying reason could be laziness. In all cases, it takes courage to really identify one’s weakness and then again courage to decide that this habit will change. This is a simple example on an individual scale.
On the other end of the spectrum is having enough courage to take a stance that could affect your family, your school, your city, and even the world. In many cases, in order to improve or excel, we may find ourselves challenging the status quo and being met with resistance, doubts, and discouragement. Even those closest to us may fail to understand or support us. However; we know that any famous and prominent figure that we know today had their share of challenges. Gandhi was thrown out of the first class compartment on a train despite having a ticket, Rosa Parks was asked to sit at the back of the bus because of her colour, the Prophets who came with divine revelations were in many cases oppressed and some were even killed. Yet Gandhi’s non-violent and peaceful methods were instrumental for India’s independence, Rosa Parks was one of the pioneers of the liberation of African-Americans from racism and segregation, and the prophets came with messages that called to the highest levels of morality, justice and peace through belief in God.
These figures may have never imagined all of the obstacles and challenges they would encounter, yet they went against all the odds, because they knew what they had to do was important. What they may have not known once again is that their struggle changed the beliefs and actions of entire people, entire countries and ultimately had an influence on the entire world.
My invitation once again would be to examine your life and decide what changes can you make that will make you happier, more successful and more productive? What changes will allow you to fulfill your goals and aspirations?
Once you have identified those changes, ask God to help you and hold what is best for you, and simply, make it happen. You are the only one who can fulfill your dreams and experience the joy that comes from accomplishing your goals.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Go for your dreams
I was listening to a motivational audio yesterday and there was one phrase the speaker said that really resonated with me. He said five years from now, you can go for your dreams and achieve them OR you can just be five years older. He reminded us that life is not a dress rehearsal - it is the one chance we have. You have may heard the saying before that there are people who wait to see what will happen, there are people that wondered what happened, there are people that complain about what happened, and there are people that MAKE it happen. So hopefully we can fall into the last batch at least more often than not.
Go for your dreams - make it happen. What's holding you back?
Go for your dreams - make it happen. What's holding you back?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tranforming Your Trials into Triumphs
Do you find yourself constantly reacting to the circumstances around you? Are you caught in a never-ending blame game with the people around you?
If so, then I hope you will find value in today's article where we'll be discussing the importance of being proactive.
Let us first define what it means to be proactive. It involves more than taking initiative - it is to take responsibility to ensure that we are living our life the way we want. Steven Covey presents an interesting angle on the word responsibility - if you break up the word, it's "response-ability". So it is our ability to choose the way in which we respond. And that way will be based on a set of personal or religious values and conscious decision making as opposed to a reaction based on emotions.
When people react to the circumstances and people around them, anything and everything could affect their attitude and therefore their effectiveness. If the weather is bad, this can affect them. If someone does not treat them well or is having a bad day, this also affects them. When this becomes a consistent pattern of behaviour, the result is that one empowers negative circumstances to control them. This is not to say that proactive people are not influenced by negative circumstances - the difference is, as mentioned, that proactive people respond based on values as opposed to emotions.
It can take courage and honesty to come to this conclusion - that we have caused our own ineffectiveness because of the way that we respond to our environment. However, once we acknowledge this, it will be much easier to also realize that we can be the cause of our own effectiveness, success, and happiness.
Proactive people understand that difficult circumstances can act as a stepping stone to something better and that they can in fact be a force that allows us to find strength in ourselves that we never knew we had. Think of yourself or someone you know who endured a very difficult situation but came out of it with a profound lesson that inspired them and others around them. Furthermore, difficult circumstances cannot only act as a stepping stone but could actually provide you with an entire new perspective on life.
It's important to distinguish though that being proactive does not mean being pushy or bossy - but it means to recognize that we have the ability to improve our environment. So what are some of the ways that you can practically become more proactive? Here are a few to get you started:
1) Observe your language:
Reactive Language:
-"I'll try"
-"That's just the way I am"
-"There's nothing I can do"
-"You ruined my day"
-"I have to"
-"I can't"
Proactive Language
-"I will do it"
-"I can do better than that"
-"Let's look at our options"
-"I am not going to let your bad mood rub off on me"
-"I choose to"
-"There has to be a way"
2) Identify your circle of influence
Think of two circles. The bigger circle is your circle of concern - so the things that concern you but that you may not have any control over. The smaller circle inside of that is your circle of influence. This is the circle where you can be proactive and take action as opposed to focusing all of your time and effort on the circle of concern which includes focusing on the faults of others and problems 'out there'. If we start with ourselves and our circle of influence, we are then focusing our time, effort, and energy in a positive direction.
3) Transform trials into triumphs
Identify a challenge you may be encountering in your personal or work life and identify the first step you can take in your circle of influence to solve it and then take that step. Once this becomes a habit, you will start to see how you can truly transform your trials into triumphs.
If so, then I hope you will find value in today's article where we'll be discussing the importance of being proactive.
Let us first define what it means to be proactive. It involves more than taking initiative - it is to take responsibility to ensure that we are living our life the way we want. Steven Covey presents an interesting angle on the word responsibility - if you break up the word, it's "response-ability". So it is our ability to choose the way in which we respond. And that way will be based on a set of personal or religious values and conscious decision making as opposed to a reaction based on emotions.
When people react to the circumstances and people around them, anything and everything could affect their attitude and therefore their effectiveness. If the weather is bad, this can affect them. If someone does not treat them well or is having a bad day, this also affects them. When this becomes a consistent pattern of behaviour, the result is that one empowers negative circumstances to control them. This is not to say that proactive people are not influenced by negative circumstances - the difference is, as mentioned, that proactive people respond based on values as opposed to emotions.
It can take courage and honesty to come to this conclusion - that we have caused our own ineffectiveness because of the way that we respond to our environment. However, once we acknowledge this, it will be much easier to also realize that we can be the cause of our own effectiveness, success, and happiness.
Proactive people understand that difficult circumstances can act as a stepping stone to something better and that they can in fact be a force that allows us to find strength in ourselves that we never knew we had. Think of yourself or someone you know who endured a very difficult situation but came out of it with a profound lesson that inspired them and others around them. Furthermore, difficult circumstances cannot only act as a stepping stone but could actually provide you with an entire new perspective on life.
It's important to distinguish though that being proactive does not mean being pushy or bossy - but it means to recognize that we have the ability to improve our environment. So what are some of the ways that you can practically become more proactive? Here are a few to get you started:
1) Observe your language:
Reactive Language:
-"I'll try"
-"That's just the way I am"
-"There's nothing I can do"
-"You ruined my day"
-"I have to"
-"I can't"
Proactive Language
-"I will do it"
-"I can do better than that"
-"Let's look at our options"
-"I am not going to let your bad mood rub off on me"
-"I choose to"
-"There has to be a way"
2) Identify your circle of influence
Think of two circles. The bigger circle is your circle of concern - so the things that concern you but that you may not have any control over. The smaller circle inside of that is your circle of influence. This is the circle where you can be proactive and take action as opposed to focusing all of your time and effort on the circle of concern which includes focusing on the faults of others and problems 'out there'. If we start with ourselves and our circle of influence, we are then focusing our time, effort, and energy in a positive direction.
3) Transform trials into triumphs
Identify a challenge you may be encountering in your personal or work life and identify the first step you can take in your circle of influence to solve it and then take that step. Once this becomes a habit, you will start to see how you can truly transform your trials into triumphs.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Watch your thoughts...
You may notice that a lot of the time, I will post quotes that I came across and liked with my thoughts about them. I am a fan of inspirational, thought provoking quotes and find that sometimes, reading a timely quote can change your perspective on a situation and give you renewed energy and strength. So, here's the first quote I'd like to share with you:
"Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes destiny. " Patrick Overton
I couldn't agree more with this quote. In the big scheme of things, it can really be the little, consistent things that we think, say, and do on a daily basis that contribute to our success and fulfillment.
So, what are your thoughts? Do you think of yourself as being successful and offering something valuable to your family, workplace, society, and even the world? Do you speak positively about others? Do you act based on moral principles and work hard to achieve your goals?
"Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes destiny. " Patrick Overton
I couldn't agree more with this quote. In the big scheme of things, it can really be the little, consistent things that we think, say, and do on a daily basis that contribute to our success and fulfillment.
So, what are your thoughts? Do you think of yourself as being successful and offering something valuable to your family, workplace, society, and even the world? Do you speak positively about others? Do you act based on moral principles and work hard to achieve your goals?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Why Change our Habits?
In the last two posts, I started to speak about today's challenges and then moved on to speak about perspective and how it dictates our behaviours. Our behaviour and our character is basically a representation of our habits. Would you agree?
If so, then we can also agree that habits have a very powerful influence in our lives, since they are usually patterns of behaviour that are consistent, yet in most cases, unconscious. These habits can either contribute to our success or our failure - to our effectiveness, or our ineffectiveness.
Based on this principle, Steven Covey discusses the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". However, before we delve into the habits, let us first look at Covey's definition of habits. He defines them as "the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire" (P.47). In other words, knowledge is the 'what' and the 'why'. Skill is the 'how', and desire is the 'want'. In order to change a habit, all three have to work together. For example, if someone has the bad habit of procrastinating, they may know that they shouldn't leave things until the last moment, and they may know how to do so by finishing their tasks in a timely manner, yet they may not want to do so for reasons that they may or may not be aware of. Or another person may know that they have this problem and may have the desire to change it, yet they do not know how to.
A personal development coach can help such people identify what reasons are holding them back from changing a bad habit, set a plan with goals and milestones, provide them with the necessary resources and tools, and follow up with motivation and encouragement until that person has achieved their goal.
As for the seven habits that Covey discusses, the first three will take you from dependence to independence (they are being proactive, beginning with the end in mind, and putting first things first), while habits four, five and six (which are thinking win/win, seeking first to understand, then be understood, and synergizing) will move you to interdependence. What's the difference between the three levels and why do they matter? Covey sums it up very nicely: "Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success" (P.49). Furthermore, he adds that "as an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings" (P. 51).
It's important to note though that we don't have to master the first three habits in order to move on to the rest. It is all a work in progress.
As for how these habits will contribute to our effectiveness, Covey first defines effectiveness as the "P/PC balance" where P stands for production and PC stands for production capability. For example, the product can be a successful career, but the production capability is you. If you give your all to work, but neglect your health, your family, and your spiritual needs, eventually you won't be able to achieve your product and will have worn out your production capability - in other words, you'll have worn out yourself. At the same time, if there's too much focus on production capability - such as self-indulgence and wasting time, and no focus at all on production, then once again this isn't considered effectiveness. Once again a personal development coach can help one find balance in the different aspects of their lives in order to achieve effectiveness and fulfillment.
Changing one's habits does not come easily - as Marilyn Ferguson says "No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal". We must open that gate ourselves - it will take courage, strength, and patience but the result is a more fulfilling life. Is it not worth it?
If so, then we can also agree that habits have a very powerful influence in our lives, since they are usually patterns of behaviour that are consistent, yet in most cases, unconscious. These habits can either contribute to our success or our failure - to our effectiveness, or our ineffectiveness.
Based on this principle, Steven Covey discusses the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". However, before we delve into the habits, let us first look at Covey's definition of habits. He defines them as "the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire" (P.47). In other words, knowledge is the 'what' and the 'why'. Skill is the 'how', and desire is the 'want'. In order to change a habit, all three have to work together. For example, if someone has the bad habit of procrastinating, they may know that they shouldn't leave things until the last moment, and they may know how to do so by finishing their tasks in a timely manner, yet they may not want to do so for reasons that they may or may not be aware of. Or another person may know that they have this problem and may have the desire to change it, yet they do not know how to.
A personal development coach can help such people identify what reasons are holding them back from changing a bad habit, set a plan with goals and milestones, provide them with the necessary resources and tools, and follow up with motivation and encouragement until that person has achieved their goal.
As for the seven habits that Covey discusses, the first three will take you from dependence to independence (they are being proactive, beginning with the end in mind, and putting first things first), while habits four, five and six (which are thinking win/win, seeking first to understand, then be understood, and synergizing) will move you to interdependence. What's the difference between the three levels and why do they matter? Covey sums it up very nicely: "Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success" (P.49). Furthermore, he adds that "as an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings" (P. 51).
It's important to note though that we don't have to master the first three habits in order to move on to the rest. It is all a work in progress.
As for how these habits will contribute to our effectiveness, Covey first defines effectiveness as the "P/PC balance" where P stands for production and PC stands for production capability. For example, the product can be a successful career, but the production capability is you. If you give your all to work, but neglect your health, your family, and your spiritual needs, eventually you won't be able to achieve your product and will have worn out your production capability - in other words, you'll have worn out yourself. At the same time, if there's too much focus on production capability - such as self-indulgence and wasting time, and no focus at all on production, then once again this isn't considered effectiveness. Once again a personal development coach can help one find balance in the different aspects of their lives in order to achieve effectiveness and fulfillment.
Changing one's habits does not come easily - as Marilyn Ferguson says "No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal". We must open that gate ourselves - it will take courage, strength, and patience but the result is a more fulfilling life. Is it not worth it?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Paradigms: How do you Look at the World?
In my last post, I presented eight challenges we confront today, which Stephen Covey covers in his book: "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". The challenges were fear and insecurity, the "I want it now" mentality, blame and "victimism", hopelessness, lack of life balance, the "What's in it for me?" frame of mind, the hunger to be understood, and conflict and differences.
I promised that in this upcoming article, I would start to share with you some ideas and solutions about how to deal with those challenges. Challenges that arise even if you seem to be successful in your career, but do not really feel you are making a difference that people would notice if you were gone. Challenges that arise even if you're trying your best to have a harmonious family life, yet you don't feel fulfilled in your relationships.
Sometimes we will try hard to confront these challenges and we will think we've chosen the right course of action, so we will continue on that path. Yet, sometimes, what we really need to do is take a step back and observe our perspective. Our perspective is the way in which we see the world, and that perspective greatly dictates our behaviours. Therefore, in most cases, what needs to happen is for us to examine whether we can change our perspective on a challenge, and to change that perspective, we have to change ourselves first. This is quite befitting of a verse in the Qur'an (Muslims' Holy book) that states: "God does not change the status of a people unless they change what is in themselves" (13:11).
When we speak about changing ourselves, what we speak of us changing our character. It has been reported that many of the literature before World War I described success in terms of "character ethics" such as modesty, courage, integrity, honesty, and humility. Interestingly enough, these are the moral characteristics that are rooted in faith. For example, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says: "I was sent in order to perfect moral character".
However, after World War I, there was a shift in the outlook on success such that it became "personality ethics" with an emphasis on our public image and social acceptance. The result was that the focus shifted from the internal to the external realm and instead of living our life according to a set of values and moral characters, we may have slipped into satisfying a public image that allows us to get ahead in society and "succeed".
Obviously, this has come at the expense of our internal happiness and our relationships. So, if we were to take a step back and instead of trying to 'fix' the situation or the individual, whether they are our boss at work, our spouse, or our children, we examine ourselves and our perceptions, slowly but surely, there can be powerful and rewarding shifts in our lives. When we start to find worth in our values and couple those values with actions, the emphasis on our socially accepted public image starts to dissipate, and we start to feel internal satisfaction. For example, when we find value in honesty, hard work, and dedication in our jobs and relationships, the promotion at work or the image of the 'perfect' spouse or 'perfect' child will not hold paramount importance to us, as we have already found satisfaction in our commitment to our values.
Therefore, the message is not to stop seeking excellence in our careers and relationships; however, when our happiness comes from within based on our internal convictions, then we do not solely base our happiness on external factors that are dictated by society.
So I would say next time, before we look at the world, let us look within first.
I promised that in this upcoming article, I would start to share with you some ideas and solutions about how to deal with those challenges. Challenges that arise even if you seem to be successful in your career, but do not really feel you are making a difference that people would notice if you were gone. Challenges that arise even if you're trying your best to have a harmonious family life, yet you don't feel fulfilled in your relationships.
Sometimes we will try hard to confront these challenges and we will think we've chosen the right course of action, so we will continue on that path. Yet, sometimes, what we really need to do is take a step back and observe our perspective. Our perspective is the way in which we see the world, and that perspective greatly dictates our behaviours. Therefore, in most cases, what needs to happen is for us to examine whether we can change our perspective on a challenge, and to change that perspective, we have to change ourselves first. This is quite befitting of a verse in the Qur'an (Muslims' Holy book) that states: "God does not change the status of a people unless they change what is in themselves" (13:11).
When we speak about changing ourselves, what we speak of us changing our character. It has been reported that many of the literature before World War I described success in terms of "character ethics" such as modesty, courage, integrity, honesty, and humility. Interestingly enough, these are the moral characteristics that are rooted in faith. For example, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says: "I was sent in order to perfect moral character".
However, after World War I, there was a shift in the outlook on success such that it became "personality ethics" with an emphasis on our public image and social acceptance. The result was that the focus shifted from the internal to the external realm and instead of living our life according to a set of values and moral characters, we may have slipped into satisfying a public image that allows us to get ahead in society and "succeed".
Obviously, this has come at the expense of our internal happiness and our relationships. So, if we were to take a step back and instead of trying to 'fix' the situation or the individual, whether they are our boss at work, our spouse, or our children, we examine ourselves and our perceptions, slowly but surely, there can be powerful and rewarding shifts in our lives. When we start to find worth in our values and couple those values with actions, the emphasis on our socially accepted public image starts to dissipate, and we start to feel internal satisfaction. For example, when we find value in honesty, hard work, and dedication in our jobs and relationships, the promotion at work or the image of the 'perfect' spouse or 'perfect' child will not hold paramount importance to us, as we have already found satisfaction in our commitment to our values.
Therefore, the message is not to stop seeking excellence in our careers and relationships; however, when our happiness comes from within based on our internal convictions, then we do not solely base our happiness on external factors that are dictated by society.
So I would say next time, before we look at the world, let us look within first.
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